Act I Scene I Philo: Look this guy used to care about war but now he just cares about an egyptian whore. Exit Philo: Antony and Celopatra enter: Cleopatra: You need to just listen to Ceasar Antony: How my love? Celopatra: Maybe it’s a message from your real wife. Antony:
Who cares about Rome! I just want to be with you! Cleopatra:
If you don’t even love your real wife and Rome how can I trust you? Antony: Well let my penis do the talking. Cleopatra: No! Listen to Rome first! Antony: Well that’s not what you said last night. Lets just go for a walk. Both exit Enter Caesar and men Soldier 1: Does Antony even care about Rome? Soldier 2: Well lets just hope for the best. Both exit Scene 2: Soothsayer and Cleopatra's maids Maid 1 & 2: Tell us our fortunes! Soothsayer: There the same! Maid 1 & 2: Our husbands are unreliable and have small genetalia.
Soothsayer: Well, that won't change, but you're futures will be better than your mistress Cleopatra, that's for sure. Enter Cleopatra and Dan Cleopatra: Have you seen Antony?
DE:No. Exit Cleopatra Enter Ant.
Messenger:Bad news, Antony.
Ant:Why?What happened?
Mess.:Well..it’s Caesar…you know your brother was joined with your wife Fulvia against him?Well Caesar beat them pretty badly.
Ant:Is that the worst?
Mess:Labienus is off conquering in Asia, while you…uh…
Ant: While I what?What are you trying to say?Stay here with Cleopatra?Go ahead, say it! Enter Messenger 2 Ant:What news do you have?
Messenger 2:Fulvia is dead.Here are the details…
Hands him letter. Exit Messenger 2 Ant:I know I always wished for this…but I feel kinda bad.She wasa nice girl.I don’t know what I’m doing here…I’ve got to get back to Rome… Enter Dom. Eh. DE:What’s going on?
Ant:I’ve got to get out of here
DE:Just because of Fulvia?She just couldn’t live without you I guess!LOL!
Ant:No I really need to go.
DE:I mean, look at Cleopatra.She practically dies everytime anything doesn’t go her way.
Ant:I wish I had never even seen her.
DE:Come on, don’t worry about the past.
Ant:My wife is dead.
DE:That’s excellent news!Now you can go on to the next woman!
Ant:No, Rome needs me now.
DE:Egypt needs you now.
Ant:Stop messing with me.I’m going to Rome.It’s not just Fulvia…Sextus Pompey and his pirates are just waiting for a chance to take control of Rome from Caesar.I need to deal with them.
DE:Ok, whatever you say. Exit Antony & Domitius Enobarbus
Scene III Enter Cleopatra, maids
Cleo:What is Antony doing?Go get him for me.
Maid:OK, but you’ve got to lighten up on him! Enter Antony Cleo:I feel disgusting
Ant:What’s wrong
Cleo:I’m going to faint….get away from me!
Ant:what’s your problem?
Cleo:I wish you had never come here.
Ant:Come on, Cleo….
Cleo:you lied to Fulvia, why should I ever trust you?
Ant:sweetie….
Cleo:Get out of here you liar
Ant:Look, I have to go do my stuff in Rome, but my heart is here with you!They’re all about to start killing each other in Rome, Pompey is just waiting for a chance to attack…besides, what are you worried about?Fulvia is dead.
Cleo:don’t lie
Ant:No really.I’m going to go now…don’t you worry about a thing.
Cleo:At least pretend to be sad.
Ant:Give me a break, look, I’m leaving now, don’t try to stop me.I’ll think of you every day, I promise.
Scene IV (Peter)
Act I, scene v
Cleopatra: Charmain!
Charmian: Yes?
Cleopatra: Get me some wine!
Charmian: Why?
Cleopatra: So that I can fall asleep. Because Antony isn’t here!
Charmian: You think about him a lot…
Cleopatra: No I don’t! Castrated Mardian get over here!
Mardian: What?
Cleopatra: What do you think Antony is doing…? He’s probably wondering what his ‘snake of the Nile’ is doing… Alexas comes in
Alexas: Hey!
Cleopatra: How’s Antony?
Alexas: Good, he sent me a present for you and it comes with a message, and sealed it with a kiss!
Cleopatra:Tell me!
Alexas: “Cleo, I got you the treasure of an oyster, it was hard to find, it’s a pearl if you haven’t figured it out, hope you like it. Antony.”
Cleopatra: Oh…was he happy or sad…?
Alexas: neither….he was apathetic actually…
Cleopatra: Yeah…he’s such a genius! Now get me 20 messengers!
Alexas: Why?
Cleopatra: Shut up and just get them! I’m going to send Antony a letter everyday! Even if I have to use all the citizens of Egypt!
Philo:
Look this guy used to care about war but now he just cares about an egyptian whore.
Exit Philo:
Antony and Celopatra enter:
Cleopatra:
You need to just listen to Ceasar
Antony:
How my love?
Celopatra:
Maybe it’s a message from your real wife.
Antony:
Who cares about Rome! I just want to be with you!
Cleopatra:
If you don’t even love your real wife and Rome how can I trust you?
Antony:
Well let my penis do the talking.
Cleopatra:
No! Listen to Rome first!
Antony:
Well that’s not what you said last night. Lets just go for a walk.
Both exit
Enter Caesar and men
Soldier 1:
Does Antony even care about Rome?
Soldier 2:
Well lets just hope for the best.
Both exit
Scene 2:
Soothsayer and Cleopatra's maids
Maid 1 & 2:
Tell us our fortunes!
Soothsayer:
There the same!
Maid 1 & 2:
Our husbands are unreliable and have small genetalia.
Soothsayer: Well, that won't change, but you're futures will be better than your mistress Cleopatra, that's for sure.
Enter Cleopatra and Dan
Cleopatra:
Have you seen Antony?
DE: No.
Exit Cleopatra
Enter Ant.
Messenger: Bad news, Antony.
Ant: Why? What happened?
Mess.: Well..it’s Caesar…you know your brother was joined with your wife Fulvia against him? Well Caesar beat them pretty badly.
Ant: Is that the worst?
Mess: Labienus is off conquering in Asia, while you…uh…
Ant: While I what? What are you trying to say? Stay here with Cleopatra? Go ahead, say it!
Enter Messenger 2
Ant: What news do you have?
Messenger 2: Fulvia is dead. Here are the details…
Hands him letter.
Exit Messenger 2
Ant: I know I always wished for this…but I feel kinda bad. She was a nice girl. I don’t know what I’m doing here…I’ve got to get back to Rome…
Enter Dom. Eh.
DE: What’s going on?
Ant: I’ve got to get out of here
DE: Just because of Fulvia? She just couldn’t live without you I guess! LOL!
Ant: No I really need to go.
DE: I mean, look at Cleopatra. She practically dies everytime anything doesn’t go her way.
Ant: I wish I had never even seen her.
DE: Come on, don’t worry about the past.
Ant: My wife is dead.
DE: That’s excellent news! Now you can go on to the next woman!
Ant: No, Rome needs me now.
DE: Egypt needs you now.
Ant: Stop messing with me. I’m going to Rome. It’s not just Fulvia…Sextus Pompey and his pirates are just waiting for a chance to take control of Rome from Caesar. I need to deal with them.
DE: Ok, whatever you say.
Exit Antony & Domitius Enobarbus
Scene III
Enter Cleopatra, maids
Cleo: What is Antony doing? Go get him for me.
Maid: OK, but you’ve got to lighten up on him!
Enter Antony
Cleo: I feel disgusting
Ant: What’s wrong
Cleo: I’m going to faint….get away from me!
Ant: what’s your problem?
Cleo: I wish you had never come here.
Ant: Come on, Cleo….
Cleo: you lied to Fulvia, why should I ever trust you?
Ant: sweetie….
Cleo: Get out of here you liar
Ant: Look, I have to go do my stuff in Rome, but my heart is here with you! They’re all about to start killing each other in Rome, Pompey is just waiting for a chance to attack…besides, what are you worried about? Fulvia is dead.
Cleo: don’t lie
Ant: No really. I’m going to go now…don’t you worry about a thing.
Cleo: At least pretend to be sad.
Ant: Give me a break, look, I’m leaving now, don’t try to stop me. I’ll think of you every day, I promise.
Scene IV (Peter)
Act I, scene v
Cleopatra: Charmain!
Charmian: Yes?
Cleopatra: Get me some wine!
Charmian: Why?
Cleopatra: So that I can fall asleep. Because Antony isn’t here!
Charmian: You think about him a lot…
Cleopatra: No I don’t! Castrated Mardian get over here!
Mardian: What?
Cleopatra: What do you think Antony is doing…? He’s probably wondering what his ‘snake of the Nile’ is doing…
Alexas comes in
Alexas: Hey!
Cleopatra: How’s Antony?
Alexas: Good, he sent me a present for you and it comes with a message, and sealed it with a kiss!
Cleopatra: Tell me!
Alexas: “Cleo, I got you the treasure of an oyster, it was hard to find, it’s a pearl if you haven’t figured it out, hope you like it. Antony.”
Cleopatra: Oh…was he happy or sad…?
Alexas: neither….he was apathetic actually…
Cleopatra: Yeah…he’s such a genius! Now get me 20 messengers!
Alexas: Why?
Cleopatra: Shut up and just get them! I’m going to send Antony a letter everyday! Even if I have to use all the citizens of Egypt!